The Beginning

“Love it will not betray you, dismay or enslave you, it will set you free.  Be more like the man you were made to be.  There is a design, an alignment, a cry Of my heart to see.  The beauty of love as it was made to be”

-Mumford and Sons

This is my first journal entry and I write it at one of the more pivotal moments in my life.  I find it hard at times to fathom why I am here and what God has in store for me.  Why would he instill in me a passion that is often looked down upon as “a career that will burn me out and cause extreme stress”?  I begin to play over and over in my head the hurt that I have seen in this world.  I have only lived 21 years but in those years I have seen extreme brokenness and heartbreak.  I cannot help but feel for the people I have come across who have been abused, neglected, and tempted.  I have always been taught to have a “thick skin” and not let other people’s problems affect my own life but the battle begins when I shelter myself from such issues.

 I am beginning to re-evaluate my perception of love.  You hear the word all the time being mentioned in movies and cheesy magazine headlines.  It is almost always tied with middle school crushes and worn out celebrities, but love has a much deeper meaning for me.  C.S. Lewis writes in The Four Loves: “To love at all is to be vulnerable”.  When I think of love as Lewis writes it, loves begins to make more sense.  I chose to do social work not because I wanted it to be easy and gain a lot of prestige, but because God has poured love into my heart for those who are oppressed.  My love for others opens me up to get hurt at times, but that is exactly why we choose to love.  We understand the risks that are at stake and yet we plunge into relationships and communication with others because we are called to do so.

 For me, love is not just a word or feeling, but a calling.  A calling to open and ingrain myself into building relationships with people of all types of race, religion, background, and culture.  When I think about the way Christ loves, he did so in a way that was not pleasing to societies’ desires.  He sat down with the prostitutes and the beggars and everyone else deemed inferior.  Sure he had his talks with the high priests, but he was much more interested in building relationships with what society would call the “lowest of the lows”.  It seems so simple but we are constantly fixated on our own lives and desires.  When were are comfortable is when we are most far from God.  I would much rather live a life of unease and please God than be wrapped up in comfort and regret not reaching out to those who most need it.

I have become vulnerable this summer to many situations in which I have been the one who people call on.  It has been such a humbling experience to come to the realization that I cannot and have never done it on my own.   My family and friends are what center me and God is what brings me ultimate peace when I contest my own abilities.  As I am maturing, I am starting to comprehend that I am only as strong as my faith in others, myself, and most importantly, God.

I recently got done reading a book called “Beautiful Boy” by David Sheff.  Sheff writes about his son’s addiction with Meth and the toll it took on his family.  Never in my life have I read a book that gripped me in such a way that “Beautiful Boy” did.  I read all 326 pages in two days (and if you know me at all that is highly uncharacteristic of me).  After reading the book I started to understand on a deeper level why I have been given the gifts I have been given.  I am realizing that my place is not to wear a fancy suit and tie, but rather reach out to those with no hope.  God has instilled in me a value that many tell me is a rare gift to have at my age.  The gift of loving others as it was meant to be…

JDub